5/21/10

Macker moved today.
It was depressing, since I haven't been able to talk to him this whole year. I didn't even get a chance to say good-bye, granted I'd seen him walk by about five times down the hall after school, but someone was with him at all times, people I don't know, and don't plan too.
I wish I wasn't a coward, then I'd have said good-bye. But instead, I just talked with Shelly.
We decided to stay in the choir room after school today, so we sat there and drew on the white boards and talked. A lot.
Mostly about her, about her old school. It was fun, being able to relax. Suddenly she was about to start a new story when I had an idea.
"One sec, Shelly," I said, and jogged to my backpack, excitedly, pulled out a book that I'd finished and handed it to her.
"Story time!" I announced, laughing, and said.
"Okay, when you tell this story, look at the book, but tell your story, and after 2 minutes, flip the page."
She laughed, and she tried to do it.
But failed.
So we gave up on the book thing and we just went ahead and told me the story.
It was how she first met Bee (who I have to add to the list) who is a guy from her old school, back when we were in elementary, she likes him now, as she liked him then. Before all the troubles began. It was a funny story, with a tinge of sadness and longing in her voice. After all, in elementary, everything was so much easier.
You knew everyone
The work was easier
It was... homey in a sense, I guess.
Anyways we talked for a while, when she checked her cellphone and it was 4:15 so we went to the front of the school.
Now, usually the front door of the school is locked after school is over, but this time it wasn't.
I thought it was.
So I went outside, thought I locked myself in, and pulled open the door.
To my surprise, it opened.
Shelly laughed, and shook her head.
"I think- I'm magic!" I said, still stunned that door had opened.
When a random guy comes up and explains why the door was open.
"There goes my moment," I grumbled, playfully.
We all laughed, then Shelly and I sat down on a couch in the waiting area of our school, waiting for our parents to pick us up. First she left, then me, and I went home.

Entering the house, I decided I was hungry, and that's what I told my mom. She told me to go get a Froot-i-boo (which is an organic fruit roll up), so I did, but I had to wash my hands first (we're health nuts, okay?)
At the sink, the realization finally hit me, it might be because the sink's my favorite place in the house.
It looks peaceful.
But anyways...
I finally realized that I'd never see, or talk to Mackers again.
He'd never tease me, never laugh with me, never smile at me.
We wouldn't see each other.
Not in the hall ways.
Nowhere.
It annoyed me to no ends, because... it reminded me of Sainy.
Who was my first friend, back when I was seven. I started to cry, it scared me, the crying, the thought of loss.
Sainy was the first person I ever let know me. Then, he moved.
Now Macker was moving.
I cried and cried for a long time.
My dad came home, and told me people went and go.
I knew he meant it to help me, but it hurt more then anything. That meant, everyone would go.
Everyone.
So I kept crying and finally came back into this room, turned on my laptop, played, chatted, and finally vented on here.
Maybe, I hope, that Macker may join this site someday
Maybe realize this is me, even though I have not used any real names here.
And we'd talk again, like we used to.

5/22/10

Today I dreamed of Mackers.
I miss him, I really do.
My best friend in sixth grade.
I miss everything about him.
Just his presense, his blue eyes, his teasing.
It's sad.
I'll never see him again, never know what happened to him.
I want to just curl up in my room forever, but I'll have to be stronger.
I have to.

I'm working on a poetry project today. I've written over 20 poems now, and I have to choose 10.
I like poems, they're fun and, like stories, I can pour myself into them.


I was working on a drawing on my laptop when my dad came upstairs, checked my grade, saw I had an 80 in math and yelled at me. Basically his whole rampage was:
"Kay, I know you try hard. But your doing horrible in math class right now. Something's wrong if you think an 80 is pretty good. Now, a 90 is pretty good, an 100 is excellent, but if you have an 80... well that's pretty BAD. An 80 is NOT good. And a 78 on a test is HORRIBLE. You didn't study, didn't review, or anything did you. Now give me the laptop, I said if you made a 70 I'd take it away."
By then, I was crying, I hated when he yelled, I hated when he didn't even try to understand that
an 80
was actually pretty normal.
1/3 of the people in my school had As and Bs.
7 people had straight As.
I was a As and Bs.
But that isn't enough, I guess, I have to be a genius since I'm asian.
So while shaking and sobbing I said in a small voice, "Daddy, you said if I had a 70 in the total average you'd take my laptop away. And it IS my laptop, not yours, I was supposed to get the new laptop for my birthday last year, but you wanted it, so I let you have it. You gave me your old one, and said I could have it. So I got it, while you got the shiny new one that you promised me. This is mine, and you can't take it away for having an 80 when you said 70."
Then he glared and yelled and yelled the same thing over and over, thinking he was making a point.

He wasn't

Because, I got it, okay? I knew that I made a 78, I wasn't proud of it, but if he kept screaming I might start thinking that a 78 was better then him.
That's exactly what he did.
I love my daddy, I really do, as much as you can love an over-protective, yelling father.
But, he has to understand that I can handle myself and that I don't want him in my face at all time.
He doesn't understand, apparently.

Then I told him to read yesterday's blog entry.
He said he didn't want to read about it, seeing as I was depressed.
Well, whose fault is that?

One day, I'm going to shove all these entries into his face and see what he says.
Maybe then he'll get it.
As soon as he left, I went on youtube and turned 'Bad Day' on, loud, so he could see what I was feeling.
He didn't get it.
He screamed at me to turn the noise off.

Thanks, daddy.

Now, I'm still crying, but typing this up.
I hate my 78
I hate my grades
I hate Macker. I love Macker.
I wish he'd come back, then I'd talk to him, I promise.
If ony he'd stay.

~~~

It's 2:30 now
I ate lunch, my dad's going fishing again, like he always does when he wants to get away from us.
My mom's going to work, I'm afraid she'll throw up there, since ... she's pregnent now. It'll be awkward since there's a wide gap between my age, my brother's age, and the baby's age. I'm scared.

Now I'm typing this, jotting down things.

I've been working on a poety project for school. I love poetry, it's fun to write.
I have to draw little doodles along with the poetry though, that's enjoyable too.
Since I have nothing much to put at the moment, I'll just type down some of my poems now-




All (c)me
I don't think anybody would ever take them, but who knows, they might.


Tomorow's my friend's Jojo's birthday party, I'm supposed to go, I said I would.
My mom said yes.
Then we said I could to Jojo's mom.
But
I can't go.
Because I have a piano recital tomorow.
I want to scream, because I don't care for piano that much, I love my friend a lot more.
Now I have to call her and say I can't make it.

5/23/10

I'm finishing up my poetry project today. It's getting boring.
Also had my piano recital, I messed up once, but overall I think it went okay... not like last time.
We got snacks after everyone finished. A donut and some chexmicks and grapes and almonds.
I love almonds and sweets and chexmicks.
Not too crazy about the grapes.

I talked to an old tae-kwon-do buddy, Daffy. I need to add him to the list, I guess, he won't show up much. Probably twice a year, because that's how much I see him.

After that we went swimming, but ... my bathing suit didn't fit so I had to wear my mom's. Mostly I swam just for fun and floated around and played on the ladder and dived, but I also swam a few laps.

Then I went to the library, checked out five books. It surprised me because...
now they have digital scanners. You just put the books there and they check it out, you can do 3 at once.
Now I can tell my grandkids
"Back when I was lil' people checked out books for you."

After I got my stuff I went to eat pizza from Domino's and now I'm typing this up before I finish my poetry project. Well, yeah, I guess that's it for today.

5/24/10

5:12 P.M
Today has been a surprisingly good day so far, apart from the fact that I'm still dreaming, still wondering about Macker.
In History we got 86 definitions/terms we need to know for our finals. I have down all the definitions and need to study.
In advanced Math we got a study book for finals that we have to complete for practice, it's not too bad, since I'm not horrible at Math.
We had a party in advanced English since we raised the most money out out of the grades. There were a lot of sweets and chips, I stacked a plateful.
Its a wonder that I'm not 300 pounds already.
Anyways I ate a lot, and we worked on our English study guide for finals. We talked a lot too, seeing as we're all friends, but the talk wasn't too off subject.

In choir, my friend Shelly and I sat down on chairs, since everyone else was on the floor, so we could feel tall. Guardy was on the floor, with his legs up against the brick wall, letting his blood rush down, he was talking to some other people. Bell was talking with her other group of friends, who she talks to until they make her cry, then she comes to us, then goes back to them. It's actually quite annoying.
Blob, one of Shelly's friends, and one of my not quite-enemies, just joking enemies, was over with Bell, talking with the group and his girlfriend. Anyways, Shelly and I were in the chairs, talking at first, I was reading the story she's been writing, and she was reading mine, after we were done, we decided to work on our stories, so that's what we did.
There was no need to talk about other things. After all, we got them without having to talk about the too much, as all good friends do.
So we wrote
and wrote
and wrote.
Until the bell rang and we left for gym. In gym, she decided to read, I decided to write more. It was just one of those days. So that's what we did until the bell rang then we started to talk on the way up the stairs and to the busses.
"Oh yeah, Kay, I forgot!" She said to me.
"What?" I asked.
"Giggles texted me last night asking why I hated her. I said I didn't."
"Okay?"
"and she said that Chelsey told her that I did. Then she asked why you hated her."
"Mmhmm."
"I said it's because Kay thinks I hate you so she hates you."
I laughed, because that wasn't it.
"No, Shelly, it's because she was rude to you and screamed at you for talking to someone who yelled at her and I find that stupid and rude, and that's why I hate her. And that is that."
She laughed, "Oh, okay then, I didn't know for sure so I just told her that. But now I can just forget it since I asked you."
We grinned. Then she said, "So what should I do?"
Without thinking, I knew what she meant. She was talking about PT, her boyfriend, who she didn't like, and Bee, the guy she did like who liked her back.
"Break up with PT," I said, "He's stupid and inconsiderate."
She laughed.
"Yeah... but I'm kind of worried what might happen if I do."
I stared at her, "I told you, he'll be fine. Just find another girl for him to like."
"He's too picky."
"Make him hate you."
"I tried that."
"Tell him you have skin cancer." (inside joke)
She laughed.
"I tried that."
I grinned,
"Nice.... tell him you're a lesbian now."
She stopped.
"I might do that."
I grinned, "There we go. Wait- is it okay if I sound cheesy for a minute?"
She started walking again.
"Sure."
"Choose whatever your heart decides."
She smiled, "Okay. Wait what do I do about the second thing?"
I grinned, "The lesbian thing? Eh- just do it anyways, it'll be funny."
Then I got on my bus and said, "Bye!"


That was that.
Now I'm at home, typing this up and drinking a fruit smoothie and I have piano lessons soon, so I'll update later.
It's 5:28. I just spent 16 minutes typing all that. Phew.

5/25/10
Finals are tomorow.
I'm afraid I'm going to fail. Plus I found out something about my friend, Shelly. She gave me her notebook during english, flipped to a page, and in it was blue ink.
At first I thought it was the story she'd been working on, but as I read, I saw it was what's been happening to her.
Family Issues
Friend Issues
She was scared, couldn't concentrate
and finals were tomorow.
So during choir, we had our party, and went outside. Shelly and I sat in the grass, and lied in it.
"Shelly," I said, to her, turning my face.
"Yeah?" She said, turning to look at me.
"What family issues? You don't have to tell me if you're uncomfortable with it... but if you need to vent or want to, go ahead, I'll listen."

And she talked
and talked
and talked

but, I won't get into it. Simply because it's personal.

~~~

9:35 P.M

I've been studdying for finals, talking to my mom about the baby, etc.
I'm convinced the baby is a girl. When anybody in my family asks why I simply say:
Sisterly Instinct.
I get to choose the name, I'm promised that. Since they suprised my brother and I so quickly about it.
Her name will be Fasea (Fa-See-Ah).
Friendly
Attractive
Sweet
Elegant
Admired

But, I call her Sea for short (See-Ah). Everyday when I come home from school, I sit with my mom and say, "Hi Mommy, Hi Sea." And I tell them both about my day.
Leaving out some personal facts, of course.

Fasea's too young right now to hear us. She's only 2 and a half months, but next month she should be able to hear me. I can't wait, I'll tell her everything.


Anyways, final studdying is going okay, I guess. I think I'll make at least an 80 on the English and a 90History. It's the Math that I'm worried about.

Oh well, I'll just keep studdying and eating my apples.
Hopefully everything will turn out okay~

Last edited by LoonyMoony on Tue May 25, 2010 9:41 pm; edited 1 time in total

:O......
Shelly is my sister's name... And by the sounds of it.. It kinda makes me think of my sister... 0.0

(Mini- Everyone's names are fake in here. I change their names to either nicknames I have for them or names that fit them from inside jokes or stuff like that.
The Shelly thing's an inside joke that wouldn't be an inside joke if I told you so I won't xD)

5/26/10
Finals today.
I think I at least made an 85 on each. Thank the angels.
Reading a book called 'The Truth About Forever.'
It's good.

Boring day so far, tomorow's the last day of school though~
Well there were the 'respect' drawings. If you win you get a giftcard, the grand prize is an ipod. They pick randomly.
Boogers, a guy, was chosen. He screams at everyone in their ears and calls Guardy a two-face hillbilly.
He's the hillbilly, no joke, he has the voice and everything.
Anyways he got the ipod for being respectfull, then when Shelly and I were walking down the hall, he pushed me and said,
"GET OUT OF MY WAY!"

"Way to respect people!" I yelled back. Jeez, really? RESPECT HMM!?

Well...
I'll probably edit later, when I have something interesting to talk about.

(Kay Kay xD I thought you didn't "nickname" Shelly, and Shelly is a real name xD)

(OwO I would never put someone's real name on the internet without expressed permission, that invades private space Dx)

LoonyMoony wrote:(OwO I would never put someone's real name on the internet without expressed permission, that invades private space Dx)

So much with this yes.

Lady wrote:

LoonyMoony wrote:(OwO I would never put someone's real name on the internet without expressed permission, that invades private space Dx)

So much with this yes.

(Mmhmm.)


5/27/10

Oh yes, school's out. I want to scream, I'm so


sad.
Awkward, but yes, I love summer, I don't have to worry as much about grades. But I won't be able to see my friends everyday which is a big dissapointment. I love them.

My little brother, Cornstalk, is now obsessed with Toon Town.
I personally don't get why, it's kind of weird.

We went out to eat to celebrate the end of school, the food
was
strange. But I loved the fries. They came in galaxy shapes and tasted great. Which is awkward because I usually hate fries. Anyways I wanted icecream too but I wasn't allowed to. Anyhow, it was pretty fun and now there's a water party next door.
The whole neighborhood's invited, but I don't want to go.
Everyone else is there, but I don't want to.

They really don't like me, those people. Because I'm different, in style, in taste. I don't mind, they're usually nice, but I see them point and laugh and snicker at me when they think I'm not looking.
I've told my mom, but she thinks I'm just imagining things. She wants me to go to the water party.

I told her I was staying, and I really do prefer that.
Plus Shelly is coming this Saturday.

On Macker Notice.... I'm still dreaming, still thinking I spot him in the halls, or outside.
I really do miss him.

5/28/10

I can now describe my dream perfectly, since there's no more school and I just woke up. I've had this dream before, a year ago I think.

First I was around 7 years old, it was the night of the ghosts. The grass was kind of glowing a sea-green color and some ghosts drifted around, some were disguised as humans. I was walking in the grass, amazed at how strange it was when I saw another ghost, a boy around six, he was crying. We talked for a while then became friends. But when the night ended, he had to go, since he was a ghost, after all. So I said good-bye, crying. He said he'd see me again in 6 years. So we promised to see each other then.

6 years afterwards, my cousins and I were over at a coffee place, my brother was there too. The sign said 'free for ghost day.' So we all took some coffee (well I took hot chocolate), but the boys weren't alowed to have sweet drinks so my mom bought him some donuts. Then we arrived at my cousin's house, which was, in the dream, a castle.

I climbed up to the top, where my cousin and her parents went to sleep on the beds. I stood by the window that went to the floor, it was big. I didn't know what I was waiting for, though. So while I stood there I asked my cousin, "Hey, wouldn't it be cool if I could see a ghost?"
She said, "Hah. Yeah, but not everyone can see ghosts."

So she laid back on the bed, and I watched. Thats when I saw a familiar face of a 6 year old. He came up to me, smiling.
"KAY!"
I blinked, several times. Who was he? Finally it hit me.
6 years ago. A smile crossed my face.
"Hey."
So we chatted for a bit before he had to go, and when he did, I suddenly felt lonely again. So I closed my eyes, for a while. But when I opened them a saw a red wagon coming towards the castle. Two boys were in it, both around the age of 14. They climbed up the wall and stared at me through the window. One of them was blonde with brownish eyes and the other one had brown hair with blue eyes. I looked, surprised, but somehow
relieved.
The blonde one started to talk to me, making me laugh. He said his name was Sainy.

I stopped. Sainy, I always thought he might be dead now, even though I hoped. I guess he was, since he was a ghost, talking to me on ghost night.
The brunette, was Macker. I wanted to cry, both of my friends were dead, but... at least I could talk to them.

Macker said I should really get the walls fixed, there were plenty of footholes to climb. I smiled, wiping tears away. They were the same, kind and sweet and themselves. We talked for a while before my cousin asked who I was talking to. I brightened up, telling her to come see, but when she got there, I turned around, and they were gone. I sighed, dissapointed.

I sat there for a while again then a lady came up, saying she wanted to trade her phlasks for some wokets. Which basically meant she wanted to trade her paper for the lid of pencil sharpeners. When I asked my cousin, she said sure, but when I came back... the lady was gone.
I frowned, but it faded as I saw a red wagon come up.
"Sainy! Mackers!" I cried, happily. And we talked and talked and talked, happily and laughing. Until the sun started to rise.


Then my brother woke me up, playing his mario kart on his DS. I wanted to cry, because it was such a good dream, but I wanted to laugh because it was such a bad one.
It tempted me to remember them, their faces. Then it was all gone in a blink of an eye.

~~~

It's 7:53 P.M
Updating about my day.
Shelly and I talked on the phone for a while, then her ex called her, they just broke up yesterday, anyways. So I felt like a third-wheel kinda so I said bye and hung up. She's coming over tomorow around 2 P.M.

I spent the rest of my day at home, since both my parents were working. My brother got a fever and a bleeding nose so I warmed up some pasta and got him some medicine. He's better now.
Then I got on the computer and got addicted to this anime called Skip Beat. I've been wanting to read the manga, but I can't afford it right now.
Then afterwards I played for a little bit robot unicorn, stupid and strange but it's addicting. Cornstalk kept being rude, even though it was my turn on the computer. I was playing and he was banging on the table, so I asked him to stop twenty times and he never did so when I crashed I finally turned to him and asked him why he couldn't just stop and he said because he didn't want to.

Annoys me so much.

Then he started to say how much I fail at the game and why would I play if I didn't try to win

because it's addicting

of course then he goes off about how much better he is at it and his highest score (which is still like only 20 above the score that time) and how I'm so stupid. Then I tell him that he should stop being such a brat and he goes off crying to my mom who turns and yells at me for being 'inconsiderate of my brother's feelings...'

Oh well. Overall
I still prefer going to school then staying home all summer with my family.

5/29/10

Skip Beat is no more.
I cleared the whole series, now I'm horrified.
WHY MUST IT END!?
That's how I felt with OHSHC and Kodocha too. It drives me crazy.

Plus
I lost
all my files everywhere because a virus came and now I have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING D8


horrible day.

5/31/10

I couldn't write yesterday because my computer broke down and now I can only do stuff on the family computer which my dad just fix'd and worse of all... is... that... I can only get on for a lil bit a day.
Hate it.
Oh well, I'll live with it.
What else~?
Oh my dad yelled at me because of me not getting some math stuff then he taught it to me and I got it in an instant and he looked like he wanted to shoot me.

I went on dA and 75 messages were waiting.
It was
kind of scary.

Hmm yeah that's about it. I think I'll go kill some sims now.

5/32/10

I had a strange dream last night.
Mackers, Shelly, and Blob were in it.

Freaky.

Anyways it's sad how little I post in here now that school's out.
I need to call Shelly sometime to catch up on news.
I've been on CS adopting pets and attempting to sort them.
Then on dA...

boring existence here.

6/3/10

How I ever managed to skip so many days- I have no idea. Post later.

6/22/10

I've been at my grandmother's house for a long time so I haven't been able to do anything. Went to the pool and a whole bunch of other stuff. Now I'm back and it feels so quiet.

We were gone for so long because my aunt from Switzerland came for the first time in 16 years.

Awkward.

But she was nice and I had a blast.

You know, I was wondering about you today. CX I realized you hadn't written in here for some time.

(Lol xD. Awh I was wondered about <33)

6/23/10

Just woke up, I feel like the walking dead. My brother just finished his time limit on the computer and yelled at me to make breakfast, then he found his pokemon Heart Gold and quieted.

Ahh I love my brother.

edit:
We went walking today at the lake. It was fun, we played on the playground and caught fireflies.

6/24/10

Woke up.
Math problems were on the board.
I have the strangest dreams.
Sainy was in it, so were two people(my imaginary friends) from back when I was little. They were ghosts. I had moved into an old house and on the second floor in my new bedroom was a whiteboard. I decided to write 'hi' on it, thinking maybe someone would answer. Within minutes, someone did. It was Iana, my imaginary girl friend. We had a conversation. The next day I went back and wrote 'hello.' This time Ian responded, he was the boy imanginary friend(who hates me). So I wrote back and asked if Sainy was there, he was, so we talked for a long time then I asked where Iana was. He said she'd gone to Savahna. I wanted to go but I couldn't leave my family so I stayed, but I said that I'd keep a whiteboard so I could talk to them and if they wanted to talk just write something on it. They said okay and left.
Then I woke up, ran upstairs, and wrote a message on my whiteboard.

6/27/10

Yesterday I went to the park with my brother and dad. They played frisbee and I wrote a story. When I got stuck I decided to get up for inspiration, then my dad yelled at me and called me lazy and my brother called me fat. I ignored that, smartly, and walked more. Then I saw a tree and under it was a cell phone. I picked it up and showed my dad. Later I checked the contacts list and saw there was a 'Dad' contact, I called it and handed the phone to my dad. When we explained what happened their Dad told us to throw the phone in the lake. Instead we called the 'Mom' contact, but nobody picked up. So we called the 'Dad' again who, having calmed down, said that his daughter worked at Dominos. So we were going to go over there but then my brother dropped the frisbee into the river, and we couldn't reach it. But finally a gush of water pushed it to my side and we got it, we walked again, towards the car, when I saw something in the river. It looked like a mouse, it was swimming in the water, dripping. I watched it for a bit, then pointed it out to my dad and brother.
"What the-?" my dad said.
"Cool! A swimming squirrel!" my brother said.
I rolled my eyes, but I wanted to save it. My dad was frustrated with me finding a lost phone and losing the frisbee so he just shook his head and drove us to Domino's where we returned the phone and then went to our outlet mall, to visit my mom at work. Then, deciding he was hungry, my dad ordered some food at a restaraunt while my brother and I sat on a bench, facing the lake, playing clapping games and singing. We got a few stares, but I was bored and it wasn't like I really cared.
So yeah I ended up home eventually and I got a migrane when I went to sleep, so I left the light on, because I was afraid of the dark, then I slept until 2 P.M in the afternoon today because I didn't go to sleep until 6 A.M and my dad got mad at me because I left the light on.
Even though I told him I had a headache so I couldn't sleep and I hated looking at the dark(yes I do have a night light).
So now I'm just sitting here writing my adventures down.

9/4/10
Whoa. It's been a while since I got here and a lot has happened. Too much to say, too personal to put. I felt really bad because my whole computer got wiped out for a while and I couldn't find the site again. Dx